


a renegade rose

by boltlightning



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Nobodies (Kingdom Hearts) - Freeform, Pre Chain of Memories, Self-Reflection, he doesn't have a heart and doesn't know how to feel about it, marluxia centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 11:36:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14693412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boltlightning/pseuds/boltlightning
Summary: Marluxia did not realize how hard his heart beat until he could no longer feel it at all.





	a renegade rose

There is something missing as Marluxia is given his name. The world is dimmer. Words have lost their power, their impact now lying in semantics and factuality rather than meter or rhythm. The lancer, Xaldin, explains that this castle is where he belongs now — here, in a city of eternal night, locked in a world spanning through several realms of existence.

Marluxia did not realize how hard his heart beat until he could no longer feel it at all. The gap aches with something he could not place, something he no longer has a name for.

Personality is an instinct now, drawn from experiences rather than feelings. It takes several weeks for Marluxia to fall into the memory of his past life. He spends the meantime struggling to stay awake, staving off the pull of the universe as it tugs at his very (non?)existence. In his first month in the Organization, Marluxia is haggard and blank.

Vexen is driven and irritable; Xigbar is smarmy, a crooked smile permanently perched on his lips. Lexaeus is direct, Zexion is quiet, and Xaldin is blithe. The Organization is a regular menagerie of personality, despite their insistence otherwise. Marluxia, as it turns out, is polite and amiable. He hides his doubts and misgivings about the Organization behind layers of coy smiles, graceful movements, and regal manner.

“Finally, someone with _manners_ in this castle,” Luxord laughs on a mission early in their tenure, grinning. “I was beginning to think every last one of these heartless bastards was going to be rude. We don’t have hearts; that doesn’t mean we have to act like savages.”

Time passes, but the signs of it are missing. They should age, but they do not. Xemnas seeks hearts for them all, for Kingdom Hearts, and yet they cannot make any meaningful progress without a Keyblade. Wielders of these weapons of light are in short supply, though that had not always been the case, so the Organization fills its time with preparation for the day they manage to get a wielder in their ranks. More often than not, Marluxia is on scouting missions in worlds across the Realm of Light, lurking in the shadows with Demyx or killing time with card games supplied by Luxord.

Marluxia does not know if this is dull work. He has no way of knowing, but it certainly seems like it would be. As he watches the citizens of the world make their way through their lives, laughing and weeping and shouting, Marluxia wonders if they even notice they are feeling. The ache in his chest tells him they likely do not. Emotion is why time never seemed to crawl as slowly as it does now; with a heart, nothing was ever the same for long, not when his existence permitted his reaction to the world around him.

Luxord commands time, and still has no insight for his cohort. “Time is a fickle mistress,” he sighs. “Her wrath solely depends on how you fill your time, and it seems we do little to fill it.”

Quickly, Marluxia grows antsy. He had always considered himself a patient man in life, but now there is always a thrumming under his skin that keeps him from lying in wait. There is nothing to feel, nothing to do, nothing to find; there is only vague plans for an uncertain future in this Organization. As nobodies, if they truly had nothing to lose, then what assured them there was anything to gain? Xemnas is a powerful speaker, but his words are as empty as his castle. This Organization would accomplish nothing, just as they had for the years and years before Marluxia joined.

He would not stagnate. He takes to pacing the halls of the castle, restless for more, and finds that the newest member adopts the same habit. Larxene overflows with an energy that had long since vanished from the older members. She is testy and impulsive, but not unwise; her eyes gleam with cunning, and each movement she makes is deliberate. On missions, when Marluxia speaks in vague, sweeping terms about his agitation, Larxene is quick to respond in the same veiled language.

They begin to scheme.

At first, they come up with plans of grandeur, aimless wishes to escape from the Organization and do anything else. They explore the possibility of taking the Organization for themselves; Marluxia distrusts Xemnas, and dethroning him would finally put aside his lethargic goals. Larxene wants to steer the Organization away from the return of their hearts. She tells Marluxia, in frank terms, that she is lighter and more free without a heart weighing her down.

Marluxia doesn’t know where he stands. The ache in chest only yearns for something more; it does not specify what. It scrapes and claws at him and urges him to do anything, _anything_ , as long as it’s not this. 

“You could lead us,” Larxene suggests. "Do you not have the gravitas for such a role? The haunting eyes, the patient tone? It’ll be an uphill climb to the top, of course. But we have each other, and other potential members to mutiny…” She taps her chin, tilting her head to the side. “But any change is good change, successful or not.” 

So when Saïx assigns him to the head of the Castle Oblivion mission, there is almost animosity between them. He meets the diviner’s eyes and knows that he is being suspected, that he may perish for his insubordination or miscalculation. But any change is good change, and he accepts the assignment with grace.

There is a savage pride in his chest when he leaves for Castle Oblivion. It is the closest thing to true emotion he has felt since he lost his heart. It eases the ache in his chest for a moment, and it is gone as soon as Larxene joins him in the castle shortly after.

**Author's Note:**

> after years away from it, i picked up kh2fm again to 100% it for the third time and got really emotional about marluxia, and my brain spat this out at 1am. i am probably contradicting some lore here, but give me a break. there's so much to keep in my noggin. i'm tryin my best to be true to my favorite dude.
> 
> (the "rose" in the title can be read as both a noun and a verb. i am nothing if not attempting to play with words)


End file.
